First you’ll need to grow your hair out and get some glasses. The name Fred isn’t a great guru name, so you might consider changing it, or at least going by an alias. More Peacedom, or something like that.
Next you’ll want to make up an accent. You want this accent to sound mysterious, so don’t try to directly imitate any one country. Instead make a weird accent that sounds like it could be anything, but is impossible to pin down.
You’ll probably need some robes, too. Nice, dramatic flaring sort of robes. Oh, and don’t forget the pointy hat. Wait, you’re going for guru and not wizard you say? Okay, okay, no pointy hat. But don’t forget to make it dramatic. Your wardrobe makes an impression!
Make up some words. They have to sound fancy and wise. Look at business buzz words like ‘synergy’ and ‘connectitude’ to get an idea of how it’s done. ‘Peaceitude’ might be a good one. Talk about “20 amino acids” and throw out catch phrases like “gluten free”. Doesn’t matter if you understand what gluten is or not.
Don’t forget to hum. No one will believe you’re a guru if you don’t hum.
Okay, obviously this is all silly. You can’t become a guru by putting on some clothes and humming, and yet we live in the internet age where literally anyone can be a guru!
I’m not telling you this to remind you not to trust someone who claims to be a guru. I’m telling you this to remind you that you’re already a guru.
Sometimes we see people making grand claims and we forget that we can make them, too. Don’t discount yourself. You’ve lived through a unique set of experiences, and are therefore already an expert on one subject: you.
Unleash your inner guru. Set aside all the doubts holding you back and speak like an expert. Remember that you, too, are a guru. You probably have extensive knowledge on all sorts of subjects and you haven’t even realized how awesome that is because you don’t know that other people don’t have this knowledge.
Go out in the world and share your knowledge! Others will appreciate it and your self confidence will build as you find out just how much you know.
You are already a guru. All that you need is to unlock your inner guru and set aside the frightened part of yourself that refuses to embrace your own awesomeness.